The IRS Is Threatening Us With A Good Time

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The heavily-armed IRS of Joe Biden, which has just received a massive budget increase, and thousands of penis flatteners to be used by its agents during audits, is about to deliver some bad news to millions of taxpaying Americans.

If the MAGA House Republicans, who hate democracy and oppose Democats, do not agree to Democats budget demands to avoid a shutdown of the government, the IRS may have to furlough 60,000 out of 90,000 employees in just three days.

I haven’t cried like this since the first time I held my sons.

The Wall Street Journal reported that the mafioso who ran the IRS thought the agency was “shutdown proof.” However, federal officials from the Office of Management and Budget have just ruled the IRS cannot “cover workers’ wages during a shutdown with funds provided by President Biden’s landmark tax, climate change and health law.” Instead, they will be forced to abuse kittens on their own dime for the duration of a shutdown.

If I have ever said it before, may lightning strike me. But God bless the federal officials.

The Journal reported that “the result” will be a return of the backlogs in all service levels, which had started to disappear over the past year. Also, “nobody will be working on processing payments owed to the government by millions.”

Wait, it gets better.

Charles Rettig, former IRS commissioner, warned in an email: “Don’t ignore the impact on employees or future recruiting efforts.” “Former and current IRS employees can find employment with other organizations that are not affected by the dysfunctional Congress.”

This is a serious threat. Next, the IRS will threaten me by waiving quarterly tax payments. They’ll then tell me that they will send a case of 15-year-old single-malt Scotch as an apology.

If you feel like I need to be excused for anything at all, please don’t hesitate to do so.

To give you an idea of how the IRS currently spends its time and the money it extracts from you like Steve Martin’s dentist character from “Little Shop of Horrors,” Kiplinger told readers on Thursday that “the IRS has come under fire for recent significant missteps, like allegedly violating taxpayer rights in some instances, back-dating documents in a conservation easement tax case, and auditing Black taxpayers at higher rates.”

What is the difference between abuse, fraud, and racism? Joe Biden, who do they think that they are?

Kiplinger says, “The agency recently could not account for millions of backup tax records according to the TIGTA (Treasury Inspect General for Tax Administration) and incorrectly labeled taxpayers living as deceased.”

Fear not. The IRS never lets a small thing like death stop it from collecting what is due.

This announcement does not answer a number of questions, including:

  • Is it possible to shut down the government before the budget deadline comes?
  • What about even earlier?
  • Could we shut this whole mess down retroactively, say back to 1904 or something like that?

This story is still developing as we wait for more details from Capitol Hill.