Why Does Biden Want to Build an 8,000-Mile Ocean Train?

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In today’s episode of “What the Heck Did Biden Just Say”? We hear the alleged President of the World’s Most Powerful Country announce his plan to build a railroad, and I quote: “from the Pacific all the way across the Indian Ocean.”

Seriously.

These are his words. It’s not some Deep Fake; this is President Joe Biden, speaking at the League of Conservation Voters’ annual Capital Dinner on Wednesday night.

Biden’s massive solar farm that he will build in Angola just because the jerks in Namibia told him it couldn’t happen is the icing on Ocean Train.

Imagine the convenience of taking a train from Los Angeles to Honolulu. You could then spend the first evening of your journey eating poi and then continue on your way to the final destination, the beautiful city of Kochi in India.

Biden’s Ocean Train is not without its flaws.

Biden’s plan is unclear about which of the two methods he envisions for building an ocean-train.

First, he would need to build an underwater tunnel for Ocean Train, similar to the classic solo song “I.G.Y.” by Donald Fagen.

  • All graphite and glitter on that train
  • Undersea by rail
  • From New York to Paris is 90 minutes away
  • Well by seventy-six we’ll be A-OK

If Biden chooses the tunnel under the sea, I suggest we build the sumbitch from Plexiglass to allow riders to enjoy the benefits of both high-speed rail travel under the sea and a visit to the National Aquarium. All this is for the cost of one federally-subsidized ticket.

What if Biden’s scientists were hard at work right now developing a typhoon-proof hover rail, which would thrill passengers with trains that skimmed barely above the waves of the ocean at 200 MPH?

Aside: Why do Democrats insist on using 19th-century modes of transport? These people always prefer to use trains or bike trails, as if technology had peaked 150 years ago. If you want to travel anywhere other than on your own feet or using someone else’s schedule and fixed route, you are a crazy person.

Consider this. What if we built a trunk rail straight to Taipei in Taiwan? Do you believe that Comrade Xi would be so frightened by the US once we demonstrated our ability to build hover-rail tracks at will right up to Communist China’s doorstep, if he was suddenly hiding under his fancy cover in Beijing?

No, no, and Hell No! We’ve already won Cold War II thanks to Joe Biden and Ocean Train. Reagan, you’re out.

According to the calculations made by various people on Twitter and other social media, Biden’s Ocean Train will cover around 8,000 kilometers — more than twice the width of the United States.

On The Ocean

I say, Let’s do it. Imagine an Ocean Train that is 8,000 miles long.

You know, I’m not going to…

…Supertrain!

This will be a wonderful world

It’s a wonderful time to be a free person