Facebook’s Faceplant, Zuck Threatens to Cut Off Europe After HUGE Losses

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Most people are aware that Evil Borg Facebook lost over 40% in the last few months. The majority of these losses occurred on one day last week. It’s actually the parent company Meta. But everyone knows it as Facebook, so we’ll just use that.

As we write these words, shares have fallen from a September peak of $382 to $224. Mark Zuckerberg is now only 58% of the man he was. 58% is the simulacrum.

Let’s take a break and let Insanity Wrap do our happy dance while we ponder the fact that Facebook is driving down the value tech stocks that we actually own.

Facebook lost its users for the first time in history last quarter. This was a shock to Wall Street. Apple’s new antiFacebook privacy policies are another obstacle. But when a free, simple, ubiquitous service begins to lose users, it’s like Robby the Robot spinning in circles shouting “DANGER Mark Zuckerberg!” DANGER!”

Facebook is in trouble because it lost half a billion daily users, out of a total population of 1.93 billion. This is a small loss but it’s enough to cause more 200 BILLION DOLLARS of concern.

What can Facebook do to restore trust after it has lost 500,000 users?

Threaten to reduce 427 million.

If Insanity Wrap is correct, Facebook would make last quarter’s problems approximately 854x worse.

Insanity Wrap’s second rule of holes: If your enemy is in one shovel, give him a larger and more useful shovel.

Facebook demands that we give them the new shovel.

OK, chief! Insanity Wrap will not ask you to sign it.

The European Union is currently working on a new privacy law. It states that user data must remain in Europe and be processed on local servers. Facebook isn’t happy about this for several (evil) reasons that we won’t bore with you here. However, Facebook’s response to the question will be amusing.

Last week’s disastrous earnings call caused everyone to SELL! SELL! SELL! Facebook shares are like Black Friday. The company threatened to close down Facebook (and Instagram in Europe).

According to reports, Zuckerberg’s threats did not seem to have any effect on the EU.

“You mean that you won’t invade our citizens’ privacy using shoddy services which turn brother against brother?” said the EU in a suave, yet-disgusting Franco-German accent.

Insanity Wrap was responsible for the two last quotes, but this is the real deal. Bruno Le Maire, French Finance Minister, stated that “I can confirm life is very good without Facebook” and that he believes that Facebook would be a great tool to help people live a happy life.